DADE CITY - A 900-year-old American Indian burial ground has been unearthed and is soon to be the site of the new Publix Super Market in Dade City. Local archeologists caught wind of the ancient burial ground and they weren't too happy.
“This is terrible news and something must be done to halt construction of this Publix,” said archaeologist Leonard Simons, “not because I feel bad about the Indians or anything like that, it would just be a shame for this Publix to be haunted. I mean, even if it was it would still be better than Winn-Dixie. But you know, I’d rather not have to avoid the spirit of Chief Standing Bear every time I want to buy groceries.”
The construction crew at the new Publix location knew something didn’t seem right about the build site after discovering the remains of several Native Americans, as well as arrowheads, feathered headdresses, smoking pipes, luxurious pelts, and ancient poker sets.
Publix head of construction Rick Wellington said he and his crew have agreed to set the discovered remains on fire. After hours of conducting research on Wikipedia and Yahoo Answers, Wellington believes this is the only logical solution to reverse any ancient curse that may be present.
Check back with The Kumquat for all breaking news on these discoveries