DADE CITY — Reports obtained by The Kumquat have revealed that five-time champion of the annual Edwinola Shuffleboard Tournament, Agnes Abernathy, has been caught using PEDs (performance enhancing drugs). 84 year-old Abernathy, originally of Toledo, Ohio and longtime resident of the retirement community, was taken into custody by Dade City Police early yesterday morning.
Police reports revealed Abernathy was in possession of multiple syringes and vials of synthetic testosterone, deca durabolin, anavar, as well as human growth hormone, commonly known as HGH. Rumors of her suspected steroid use began fluttering around the Edwinola years ago according to many of her neighbors and fellow shuffleboard competitors.
The Kumquat caught up with some of the skeptics. Fellow Edwinola resident Joe Edwards simply told us, “I knew that bitch was up to something."
Others had more on their minds, such as three-time shuffleboard champion Davey Harris. "Something was always fishy about that Agnes character” Harris stated. "That broad would always beat me to the gym in the morning and she eventually shattered my bench press record that stood since ‘02."
The increased strength and stamina of Agnes was apparent to everyone within the community but no one had suspected it had come to steroid abuse. This begged the question, how and where did Agnes Abernathy acquire the PEDs?
Check with The Kumquat for all up to the minute updates of this shocking event.